Saturday, June 21, 2008

My personal gift from God....

3 Nephi 17:21-24

21 And when he had said these words, he wept
, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.
22 And when he had done this he wept again;
23 And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones.
24 And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them.

I was sitting and thinking of my baby Kaiya Lilly Shurtleff, when I got the urge to read this scripture. Never before have I felt so much love for 2 individuals as I do now for my wife and my new baby girl. I can't wait to see my Heavenly Father and my brother and savior Jesus Christ and allow him to bless me family like the children in these verses. After reading and pondering this, I couldn't help but to go into the other room kneel down on my knees and give the most sincere thanks to my Father in Heaven for these two wonderful people in my life. I cried like a baby with joy and gratitude. I could never live without them. I only hope that I can create the same feelings of love and gratitude within my child(ren) as I continue to live and teach them here on earth. I love you Kaiya! May the angels of heaven surround you at all times!

Birthing experience....

I have tons to say about my new little girl, but first I gotta talk about the past week's experience in the hospital. I have to say that nothing in this world can make you feel more helpless than to see a love one in so much pain and not be able to do a thing about it. Of course growing up as a Latter Day Saint I do believe that there are things on a spiritual level that I can do and I can put much trust in God. But after that point, just watching the pain is unbearable at times. I admit there were times during my wife's pregnancy that it bothered me so much that I would almost ignore her to avoid the guilt of not being able to take away the pain. Now in the past week was even worse. She had nurses and doctors looking after her 24/7 and she was still in pain. What do you do after that? All I could do was stay with her and hold her hand through the worst times I guess. So after saying that, we entered the hospital on Mon night the 16th. That night she was given an I.V. and medicine to soften her cervix. Defying statistics, Emily quickly started dilating. Terrible pain; they gave her pain medicine concoctions which only made her drunk, but never deadened the pain. A long first night I promise you that. After getting only 3 hours sleep in a very uncomfortable chair we started early the next day with her getting drugs to start the induction. When they started this she dilated to a 4 fairly quickly and when she did they decided it was time for the epidural. Thank goodness for that, cause most pain and all itching subsided with the use of that miracle. While she tried to nap I ran home to shower and get lunch to prepare for more waiting at the hospital. Through the rest of the day we waited played games and talked to many family members anxious to know what's happening. Finally, about 10:30 or so she dilated to a 5 and things moved quick from there. Soon a 6 and at that point I decided to go down and tell the parents. 15 min later when I returned to the room she was in much pain. We buzzed for the nurses, who when checking Em, said she was a 10 and was ready to push. This was about 11:40. My amazing wife started pushing and at exactly 12 midnight, my perfect little girl took her first breathe in this world. My emotions were high and mixed, I felt unexplainable love for the two of them, and complete gratitude for the nurse. Unfortunately, that was not the end. We enjoyed the moment while I took pictures of Kaiya getting cleaned and prepped for this world. I then said, "I'll see ya in a minute," to my wife and followed Kaiya down to the nursery. 15 min later I returned to a blood soaked room to see Emmy prepped for the O.R. She was bleeding and they rolled her away without an explanation. My heart sank, and again helplessness set in. I called family and told of the mixed news. Thankfully, after everything she was brought back to me. Healthy and happy to be done. My love! What would I do without you?

First Few Days

Kaiya Lilly Shurtleff

Sunday, June 8, 2008


We made it! Our first year of marriage! Our number one anniversary! I am still as happy as I was on day one. We were thinking back on our first year together and realized how much we've done together and how happy we have been. It's definitely had it's challenges and times of testing each others patience. I think I push her buttons more than she pushes mine though. I tend to make a lot of noises I guess and play and poke when I have lots of energy to use up. Anyway, it's been perfect. The move out here to North Carolina and our time here has been good for both of us. I look forward to the many more years that we have to try each other and build each other up. I believe we have both become stronger in the past year and I want all who read this to know how proud I am of Emily for the strength she has been to me and also for being a beautiful pregnant wife to me and mother to our soon to come little girl. We have many plans that I hope we can fulfill as we continue to move forward, this is our life and we will both be around for a long time to come. " Life may drive a certain course, time may reveal the uncertain, but only you can create your own destiny." ~Brett Shurtleff~

Friday, June 6, 2008

My challenges...

Here's the dilemma: My wife hurts in every way... she has complete back pain, shoulder pains, leg pains, tons of feet pains, swelling and to top it off she itches like there's no tomorrow. Nothing seems to help. I massage her back and feet and occasionally her hands. She takes baths and uses medicated lotions. After everything she is still left hurting and itching. I would never claim to have ever gone through what she has in the past 8 months so far, but I am just as ready for her to have a baby as she is. I have never felt so helpless in my life. I feel like I have done all that I can do and it's still not enough. The doctors never seem to empathetic. They just say the usual, "oh it's part of pregnancy, you just gotta make it till the end." Where that may be somewhat true, you would think they would have a little more to say to her. It just leaves me once again feeling helpless and frustrated. It's hard to see someone you love in constant pain for so long. I can't even imagine having a family member with cancer, it would kill me to know I'm practically useless as far as making them better. Me and my wife grew up dealing with pain completely different, which also makes things a little more difficult. My ideas frustrate her and her ideas frustrate me. All I want at this point is for the next 5 weeks to pass quickly so that we can both deal with what's wrong together. I can't feel her pain, all I can do is try to help her as much as humanly possible. Maybe this is a bigger test for me than for her. Hopefully she won't be the guinea pig for my next big test. Either way, Kaiya: Come on out and meet your daddy!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Soapy accidents are no joke....

I have a timeless pregnancy story that happens to involve myself. This is a little embarrassing, but to funny to keep to myself. Emily and I were taking a shower, (with swimsuits on for any family member reading this) and the showers aren't exactly made for two, especially when one person is pregnant. Any so we have to switch places to be able to use the water. Emily was in the water while I was soaping up. Then comes the ever interesting part where we switch. My feet were soapy including the rest of me and while in the process of changing places Emily decides to give me a little belly bump. *She swears that she never bumped me, but that will be an eternal argument with this story. Anyway, so she bumps me, my feet start slipping and I begin to fall backwards through the shower curtain. She did grab my arm to keep me up, but did not succeed because, once again, I was soapy. After falling through the shower curtain on to my butt, I then began to slide backwards through the bathroom until finally coming to a stop. By the time I looked up Emily was already laughing so hard that she almost had the baby right there in the shower. So there you go.... that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Hope you enjoyed!