Saturday, June 21, 2008

My personal gift from God....

3 Nephi 17:21-24

21 And when he had said these words, he wept
, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.
22 And when he had done this he wept again;
23 And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones.
24 And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them.

I was sitting and thinking of my baby Kaiya Lilly Shurtleff, when I got the urge to read this scripture. Never before have I felt so much love for 2 individuals as I do now for my wife and my new baby girl. I can't wait to see my Heavenly Father and my brother and savior Jesus Christ and allow him to bless me family like the children in these verses. After reading and pondering this, I couldn't help but to go into the other room kneel down on my knees and give the most sincere thanks to my Father in Heaven for these two wonderful people in my life. I cried like a baby with joy and gratitude. I could never live without them. I only hope that I can create the same feelings of love and gratitude within my child(ren) as I continue to live and teach them here on earth. I love you Kaiya! May the angels of heaven surround you at all times!

Birthing experience....

I have tons to say about my new little girl, but first I gotta talk about the past week's experience in the hospital. I have to say that nothing in this world can make you feel more helpless than to see a love one in so much pain and not be able to do a thing about it. Of course growing up as a Latter Day Saint I do believe that there are things on a spiritual level that I can do and I can put much trust in God. But after that point, just watching the pain is unbearable at times. I admit there were times during my wife's pregnancy that it bothered me so much that I would almost ignore her to avoid the guilt of not being able to take away the pain. Now in the past week was even worse. She had nurses and doctors looking after her 24/7 and she was still in pain. What do you do after that? All I could do was stay with her and hold her hand through the worst times I guess. So after saying that, we entered the hospital on Mon night the 16th. That night she was given an I.V. and medicine to soften her cervix. Defying statistics, Emily quickly started dilating. Terrible pain; they gave her pain medicine concoctions which only made her drunk, but never deadened the pain. A long first night I promise you that. After getting only 3 hours sleep in a very uncomfortable chair we started early the next day with her getting drugs to start the induction. When they started this she dilated to a 4 fairly quickly and when she did they decided it was time for the epidural. Thank goodness for that, cause most pain and all itching subsided with the use of that miracle. While she tried to nap I ran home to shower and get lunch to prepare for more waiting at the hospital. Through the rest of the day we waited played games and talked to many family members anxious to know what's happening. Finally, about 10:30 or so she dilated to a 5 and things moved quick from there. Soon a 6 and at that point I decided to go down and tell the parents. 15 min later when I returned to the room she was in much pain. We buzzed for the nurses, who when checking Em, said she was a 10 and was ready to push. This was about 11:40. My amazing wife started pushing and at exactly 12 midnight, my perfect little girl took her first breathe in this world. My emotions were high and mixed, I felt unexplainable love for the two of them, and complete gratitude for the nurse. Unfortunately, that was not the end. We enjoyed the moment while I took pictures of Kaiya getting cleaned and prepped for this world. I then said, "I'll see ya in a minute," to my wife and followed Kaiya down to the nursery. 15 min later I returned to a blood soaked room to see Emmy prepped for the O.R. She was bleeding and they rolled her away without an explanation. My heart sank, and again helplessness set in. I called family and told of the mixed news. Thankfully, after everything she was brought back to me. Healthy and happy to be done. My love! What would I do without you?

First Few Days

Kaiya Lilly Shurtleff

Sunday, June 8, 2008


We made it! Our first year of marriage! Our number one anniversary! I am still as happy as I was on day one. We were thinking back on our first year together and realized how much we've done together and how happy we have been. It's definitely had it's challenges and times of testing each others patience. I think I push her buttons more than she pushes mine though. I tend to make a lot of noises I guess and play and poke when I have lots of energy to use up. Anyway, it's been perfect. The move out here to North Carolina and our time here has been good for both of us. I look forward to the many more years that we have to try each other and build each other up. I believe we have both become stronger in the past year and I want all who read this to know how proud I am of Emily for the strength she has been to me and also for being a beautiful pregnant wife to me and mother to our soon to come little girl. We have many plans that I hope we can fulfill as we continue to move forward, this is our life and we will both be around for a long time to come. " Life may drive a certain course, time may reveal the uncertain, but only you can create your own destiny." ~Brett Shurtleff~

Friday, June 6, 2008

My challenges...

Here's the dilemma: My wife hurts in every way... she has complete back pain, shoulder pains, leg pains, tons of feet pains, swelling and to top it off she itches like there's no tomorrow. Nothing seems to help. I massage her back and feet and occasionally her hands. She takes baths and uses medicated lotions. After everything she is still left hurting and itching. I would never claim to have ever gone through what she has in the past 8 months so far, but I am just as ready for her to have a baby as she is. I have never felt so helpless in my life. I feel like I have done all that I can do and it's still not enough. The doctors never seem to empathetic. They just say the usual, "oh it's part of pregnancy, you just gotta make it till the end." Where that may be somewhat true, you would think they would have a little more to say to her. It just leaves me once again feeling helpless and frustrated. It's hard to see someone you love in constant pain for so long. I can't even imagine having a family member with cancer, it would kill me to know I'm practically useless as far as making them better. Me and my wife grew up dealing with pain completely different, which also makes things a little more difficult. My ideas frustrate her and her ideas frustrate me. All I want at this point is for the next 5 weeks to pass quickly so that we can both deal with what's wrong together. I can't feel her pain, all I can do is try to help her as much as humanly possible. Maybe this is a bigger test for me than for her. Hopefully she won't be the guinea pig for my next big test. Either way, Kaiya: Come on out and meet your daddy!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Soapy accidents are no joke....

I have a timeless pregnancy story that happens to involve myself. This is a little embarrassing, but to funny to keep to myself. Emily and I were taking a shower, (with swimsuits on for any family member reading this) and the showers aren't exactly made for two, especially when one person is pregnant. Any so we have to switch places to be able to use the water. Emily was in the water while I was soaping up. Then comes the ever interesting part where we switch. My feet were soapy including the rest of me and while in the process of changing places Emily decides to give me a little belly bump. *She swears that she never bumped me, but that will be an eternal argument with this story. Anyway, so she bumps me, my feet start slipping and I begin to fall backwards through the shower curtain. She did grab my arm to keep me up, but did not succeed because, once again, I was soapy. After falling through the shower curtain on to my butt, I then began to slide backwards through the bathroom until finally coming to a stop. By the time I looked up Emily was already laughing so hard that she almost had the baby right there in the shower. So there you go.... that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Hope you enjoyed!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Baby girl.....

I realize that I have not made mention of my reaction to finding out the gender of my baby. Obviously by reading previous blogs you know that she is in fact a "she!" I gotta admit, coming from a family of 7 sisters, I was not at all suprised. I of course was not let down either. I told everyone including my wife that I wanted a little boy. I dream of little league and going fishing and going to races etc. Boy stuff! Anyway, while this is still true, my heart lept when I found out it was a girl. When you are born in a sea of estrogen, you learn how to swim and occasionally float. Don't get me wrong I had my moments that I thought I would sink like a rock, but my buddies and my dad were able to keep me up. So back to her, knowing my background, I realize that I am more comfortable around women, I talk more.... I feel more.... I learn more. I feel like I can be stronger for her. Of course I have yet to experience the joys and trials of being a father to a daughter or a son, but I am excited for both and until that boy comes my heart belongs to little Kaiya. She will become my fishing partner. I just hope she doesn't show up my boy when he comes around! I know I don't show it a lot and my wife gets frustrated, but my excitement increases with each day and each knew thought of how it will be. My biggest fear now is providing for the two of them. I hope I can make things comfortable and easier for them. This world has gotten tough and any new child brought to this Earth deserves the right to a beautiful and free world. Hopefully a little more peaceful. So there ya go. Hoorah for my little girl!

Friday, April 11, 2008

American soil....

America the great, the powerful, the beautiful... There are many words to describe this country we live in. I would like to say what I believe should be done in these times for this country. I will stay away from political loyalties for the sake of open mindedness, (if there is such a word.) The main thing that I want to talk about tonight, is the Americans themselves. Throughout history we can see a cycle that involves weakness, money, strength, pride and humility. Unfortunately I feel that we have reached the pride part of the cycle. I don't mean the type of pride that comes with knowing who you are and loving your country. I'm talking about the kind that creates selfishness. It's this selfishness that leads to the downfall and back to humility. With this we forget about our neighbor and care only for what we can get and do for ourselves. We of course have been known to rally as a whole to help out those in need, but only when something devastating has happened. Why can't we be there for each other on our own, just for the sake of serving someone else? In starting this was was thinking of all the many Americans who are in need of so much help. I think what we do for other countries is great and amazing, but in a way we are forgetting our own. There is much of America that is becoming poverty stricken. We are becoming a country of everyone for themselves, and it scares me. It makes me happy to see all the many things that we do for those in need, but are we doing enough? What more can we do? Of course those with power must officially bring on the changes, but we can initiate them. One kind word, one smile, one hug. Simple acts of selflessness can end the acts of selfishness. This could hopefully ease the crash to humility that we are in trouble of hitting full force. I love America and love what I stand for, I just hope I can do my part to help others "Be the change that we all wish to see."

My Kaiya Monkey.....

It has been a while since I have updated my blog and talked about my little Kaiya monkey. A lot has happened since my last posts. Since then I have felt her kick and move around. How amazing is the fact that she came from something so microscopic and now has developed into something that can kick me in the ear whenever I press it against my wife's belly. I heard a song the other day by George straight titled, "I saw God today." This song encircles a lot of the feelings that I think I will have once she is born.
Got my face pressed up against the nursery glass She's sleepin' like a rock My name on her wrist Wearin' tiny pink socks She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes My brand new baby girl She's a miracle I saw God today. Except for the pains that my wonderful wife have endured to carry Kaiya around until she is ready to meet me, she is a little miracle. I can't wait to hold her and carry her and show her off to everybody. She will be my connection to heaven and my strength to do great things. Just a quick side note, I don't want to take the spotlight off of my wife, because without her I wouldn't have done the great things I have recently been a part of. But with the two of them I feel like nothing can stop me from accomplishing anything. Back to Kaiya, her heart is strong, I've heard it many times and can't wait to see her soon on the 16th of April for our next sonogram appointment. Sometime real soon I will be holding my first baby Girl. Kianne Elizabeth Shurtleff! She's perfect already....

Thinking mans thoughts....

I was laying in bed all the while thoughts pouring through my head like sugar through a 10 year old boys veins on Halloween. Please anyone who may read this, don't take as organized thought process, but more as interesting concepts of a sleepless man. Granted there obviously is feeling and such behind these preeminent ramblings. For one I was thinking how randomly perfect everything in nature works. Or maybe not random, given my religious beliefs everything works perfectly in the act of balancing and harmonizing itself with more order than is humanly possible. Think of how closely related the Earth itself is so closely related to the workings of the human body. I like to think of Earth as a living organism itself. What if the center of Earth stopped created magma? What if there were no more volcanic eruptions? I'm sure the effects of such things could be explained by persons more learned than I, but just think. Would if have the same devastating effect as if the human heart stopped pumping blood? We have an internal cooling system; so does the Earth. Of course there is so much more to compare, but I think you get the idea.
Now along with that, how amazing is the human body? I think many inventions have been created based of the perfect working order of the our systems. From the way the brain stores memories, to the way the digestive system separates the waste from the nutrients much needed to keep us alive and healthy. Granted the body can only do so much, we of course have the ability to alter such natural activities. We have the choice to do what we want, but we must also deal with the consequences. My point on that is that with these bodies and brains we have choices and freedoms to do what we want. That's the beauty of it all. Our bodies are our instruments to do with what we want. I believe we should all really think about the gifts we have and learn to use them. The extent of what we are intended for is endless. If we can fully grasp the complexity, yet simplicity, of the human body; then I think we can find an end to many of life's "diseases" so to speak.
Don't get me wrong I don't think it right to try to compare ourselves to God or to try to be one ourselves. But on the contrary I believe it is God who has given us the minds and abilities to understand these things in order to help ourselves and this Earth to live on for another generation. Understanding simple concepts and stepping back to take a breath can help us to pave the way for the future and perhaps make life a little more simple for our kids.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Our little jellybean!

Call it what you will, but my little jellybean is growing up so fast. It now has little stubby arms with little stubby fingers. My wife and I have heard the heartbeat at the doctors and the baby is healthy and kicking. Literally, we have a hard time hearing the heart beat, but no trouble hearing the beat of the babies little legs kicking away. I think he/she's already bruised Em's liver. My baby is gonna come out ready to play. Our hopes like everyone is that we have a happy and moderatly quiet baby. We want a talkative baby of course, just not one that cries it's little head off. We are very excited though and soon we will be able to add a gender and name to this little squirt. I love it already! Coming from a family of 7 sisters and being an uncle 17 times over (36 including Em's family), I feel I am more than ready to raise a child of my own. The more I sit and think about it the more happy I become. How awesome the responsibility to raise one of God's children! I'm honored! BRING ON THE JELLYBEAN, I'M READY!